It takes a lot for me to get angry, and today I got very angry. I'm gonna try my best to explain what happened to me in the calmest, most non-partial way I can. I don't think the way I responded was bad, but I think there was a better way I could have handled the situation. So, what happened?
Me, along with some friends, went to SATCO off 21st Ave this evening for a bite to eat. If you've ever been to SATCO, they have a menu that you fill out and you give it to the cashier. That's how they take your order. Well, I noticed that there were a few people filling out their menus by the front of the door, and a few people filling out their menus at the front of the register. No one in between them. My thought was "I'll just go around the corner and go between them. No need waiting in line when I don't have to." So, I walk around a few people, and grab a pencil. My friends follow. Before I could look at the menu, I hear someone aggressively (and I mean aggressively) confront me. My first reaction was confusion. I normally don't get yelled at, especially in lines. So it caught me by surprise. My next emotion was shock. I don't remember the exact words that were said, but he accused me of cutting in line. He was NOT happy about it. He could see I was caught off guard, and he then accused me of not socially distancing and not wearing a mask (to be fair, I wasn't wearing a mask).
It's important to understand that I use the word "accuse" as a way of saying that this man was very angry and aggressive towards me in his tone of voice. I'm not trying to sound like a snowflake, but he was on the verge of yelling, and I could feel his anger from at least 6 feet away.
That being said, let's talk about what he was saying and why. In the moment, I understood all of his points. He accused me of cutting in line. In my experience, every time I've gone to SATCO, that's how the line works. If there's a space open to fill out your menu, you take it. No one's confronted me about that in the past, and I've seen everyone else do it the same way. The real line doesn't start until you've filled out your menu. The way I look at it, you're not really in line until your menu has been filled out. Up until then, you're still "looking at the menu." That's even what I was taught when I first went there. I understood how I saw it, and I understood how he saw it. He felt cheated. And if I didn't know that's how SATCO works, I would have felt cheated too.
But then he started to get mad about me about not socially distancing and not wearing a mask. As he's saying that, I see my friends. They're not sure how to react. I see the people behind him. They're waiting to see what happens. Then, one of the cashier's yells at me too for not wearing a mask. As I turn to look at her, I see a SEA of people NOT WEARING A MASK as they're eating their tacos. And I can see them all looking at me. At this point, my blood is boiling. How can this man accuse (and get aggressive towards) me of not socially distancing when the entire restaurant is full?! How can he accuse (and become aggressive towards) me when the almost the entire restaurant has their mask off because they're eating?!
Moreover, I saw absolutely zero markings on the ground, on the wall, or where you fill out your menu. I'm not saying it's not my fault for not socially distant while in line, but it was not made obvious on how I'm supposed to be doing that in the restaurant. Every table was filled too as far as my memory serves me. But I was very angry, so it's possible some seats were reserved for social distancing. But that being the case, the tables themselves are very close to each other and the tables outside are close to each other and they are not marked off. My point being, being socially distant was obviously not well encouraged by the restaurant. If that was him main concern, he should have chosen a different restaurant. If masks were his main concern, maybe he shouldn't have been IN the restaurant.
Again, I understand why he was upset, but I also saw how hypocritical it was of him to accuse me (and get MAD at me) of something when there was at least 30+ people doing the exact same thing as me. I wanted to call him out for the reasons listed above, but there were two things stopping me. 1. I didn't want to embarrass my friends. 2. I knew someone in that massive gathering had their phone out and would have hit record. I didn't want to become a Youtube video in that moment. So, I took a deep breath to calm down, put on my mask which was in my back pocket (because we had just came from outside) and stormed out because I wasn't doing a good job at it. Kudos to my friends because I asked to go to another restaurant and they were cool with it. They also put up with me swearing and kicking and yelling at this man after we made it to the street corner. :)
Did I do the right thing? I honestly don't think I did. I wish I had said something. Why do I wish I had said something. It wasn't for political reasons. It wasn't because I felt like I was in the right. I should have said something because you should always stand up for yourself when you're getting bullied.
I'm a pretty understanding guy. I may not always agree where other people are coming from, but I do feel like I am able to empathize where they're coming from very well. He could have handled that situation better by letting me know I was cutting in line, or he could have kindly asked me to put my mask on. Because this man's first and primary reaction towards me was to get angry with me (and to arouse the cashier jump in), this tells me that he did not care about my well being.
Despite whatever differences in politics we may have, I believe that treating each other kindly trumps whatever political differences there are. However, when people become bullies, and aggressive, and threatening, I believe it's your right to stand up for yourself and in some cases, for what you believe in. That's what I should have done today.
Was this man in the right?
Let me ask you this, for what reason is he acting? Is it for the safety and well-being of others? If it is, he put my safety and well-being at risk. You could argue I was doing that first to others by not wearing a mask. I'll ignore every reason listed above for why that's not a strong point for this argument, and I'll ignore the science about how this disease is only barely more dangerous than the flue. So let's say I was doing putting other people's in lives at risk first. Let's even say I wasn't wearing a mask or socially distancing out of malice. Wouldn't the first step for him to take be to de-escalate the scenario? It's not okay for a police officer or an armed official to turn hostile in that (or any) given scenario. You would want an armed official to try and de-escalate the threat first. And why wouldn't you? So, it follows that this man's first response would have been to try and de-escalate the scenario first before becoming hostile and angry towards me.
How was he putting me at risk by coming at me in that manner? In my mind, when you accuse me, when you yell at me, when you turn hostile towards me, I feel threatened. My brain says something worse is coming, so prepare yourself. So, my when he yelled at me, my brain did not tell me things were safe.
Now, getting offended is way less important than someone's actual, physical safety. But here is my point, if he really wanted other people to feel safe, he would have wanted me to feel safe too. If he really wanted the well-being of others, he would have wanted my well-being too, even if it was just emotional. If he really wanted me to understand, he would have been nicer. You aren't good if you pick and choose who you're good towards.
Would I have been any better for saying something back? I think it's different. I think because he attacked me (albeit verbally) I have a right to defend myself.
But couldn't this man have felt attacked first? Perhaps he did. Perhaps me "supposedly" cutting in line was a personal attack on him for what he felt was equal, just, and fair. If it was, then masks, and social distancing had no place in his accusation for reasons stated above. If that's what this was about, cutting in line, then I'm sorry. Even though I still believe it wasn't wrong for me to "skip ahead", I would have apologized with a big smile on my face, I would have gladly went to the back of the line, and I would have forgotten all about it by the time I got my order in.
But this wasn't about lines or masks or distance at all was it?
I pray for you man. I hope it was worth it.