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Ted Turner (a rich, old white man) was sitting in the waiting room for his colonoscopy when his nurse came over and turned on the television. "Everything was fine until then," Ted remarked. "There I was, trying to think about the first thing I was gonna eat once the procedure finished. I had decided on chili, and then I remembered Bill Cosby's bit on pudding cups and I thought, 'that would make a great dessert!' When all of a sudden, I hear the sound of a man who's never heard the sound of laughter fill my ears. To my horror, I looked up and saw a black man on television. At first I was afraid. I thought, 'can they do that? Can they put a black man on TV?'
"I was relieved when I realized it was my own network. I'm 80 years old, it's easy to forget things. I made CNN years ago, back when there was nothing else to watch. I figured people needed a good laugh, so I put a boy down a well. I don't know, I thought it was funny at the time. But then I realized people weren't laughing as much as I hoped, so I left it alone for a while. That's when I started investing in cartoons. By the time I saw my bank account growing, I backed out and pursued my love of baseball. Anyway, I was happy to see that old CNN show was making some people laugh. Or so I thought. After about five minutes of me laughing at Asian people, I realized I was the only one in the waiting room laughing. Everyone just kinda stared at me. I was shocked people were taking it seriously. I meant it to be like the Onion or Stephen Colbert. I didn't realize people were watching it thinking it was news. It's a grave mistake. I'll phone the operator tonight; she'll get me in touch with Lorne Michaels of SNL and we'll get this all sorted out. Maybe we could work together and write a CNN musical like the Blues Brothers or something. I don't know, I think that would be kinda cool."
Mr. Turner's Doctor reported that he was in high spirits during the colonoscopy. "He wouldn't shut up about it," Dr. Craig reported. "He kept trying to sell me on this comedy news idea. When I tried telling him Will Ferrell had done it before he wouldn't listen. He'd mumble something about calling auditions then giggle. To be honest he was kinda annoying. By the end of it he kept making fart jokes. I was like 'c'mon man, I now that's your hand making that sound.'" It is reported that Mr. Turner celebrated by drinking a pudding cup, and has to come back on Monday for a check-up.